second dose of humira today and dang those shots hurt, sends my heart rate up as soon as I grab the pen, the burning brought tears to my eyes today, took a shower and gobs of my hair is falling out, I just started to bawl, I've been riding a bike which is completely amazing and feels so good to not be afraid to push myself and to actually work up a sweat and not be afraid of walking the next day. I was so scared that first morning to put my feet on the floor, I was sure it was gonna hurt, and when it didn't I was almost euphoric scarfing breakfast to go again and have went every morning this week, I love it and am so grateful just to be able to do it, its almost as though I've regained some sort of freedom. The hair loss is I think due to the blood pressure pills, so I'm not sure if I should just stop taking them or not.
I've been redoing furniture in my house and have to say it's looking really good, back is really flaring right now the burning is almost impossible to totally ignore and by the middle of the day I'm tired as hell, even right now I wanna take a nap. I'm going to go on a short bike ride first though and even as I type that I realize how tired I actually am, its barely one and it feels midnight or later, I'm exhausted and have barely done a thing, some days its really hard not to feel sorry for myself and trapped in this horridly old body, now my hair falling out maybe I'll start to look as sick as I am and people will take it more seriously, found out some of my family thought it was cancer and although its not it can be just as serious and in my case has dramatically changed my life. It's just not something people hear about or has even really been studied at length so thinking about it for me the side effects of the drugs the shortened life span all the complications maybe if people thought about it as cancer they would understand more what I'm faced with. And although I totally agree I can choose to be positive about it on days when I wake up happy n perky n ready to go and then shower and catch a big handful of my own hair its extremely hard to keep smiling as reality just bitch slapped me that I can be as happy as I wanna be I'm still sick.
So what? so be it. . . .. .this is me and this is what my life now consists of ups and downs and side effects. . . .speaking of I am cutting this off stomach is doing flip flops and I know the puking is going to start soon, injection day sucks and I want to at least get in a small bike ride before I start hugging the porcelain throne.
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