medicinal cannibis

I'm seriously considering asking for it and very soon, I've been on humira for a month and a half and no relief and I'm so sick of wasting my days, I sit here and make it through dinner and feel exhausted at two in the after noon. I'm impatient and I want to enjoy my life, after my husband goes to work I sit here like okay what can we do. . . .the park requires attention I just don't have to give. Meeting people right now when I'm to tired to even focus on a conversation? or better yet the amazing moods I get in when my ribs are so constricted taking a deep breathe makes me grunt like an old man? It's embarrassing and entrapping, I hate this disease oooooo not to mention the rage I sometimes feel, kinda at the world I mean wouldn't you? picture yourself wrapped tightly inside some sort of blanket that if you move the wrong way or attempt to take a deep breathe it has razors lining it and if you move just the right way you will hurt yourself to the point of bleeding now picture those razor blades have the ability to make whatever limb you cut yourself on completely and totally useless? I'm sick of the pills that don't work. I now take double the dosage on days I know I'm leaving the house the stupid things don't work at all my back is still a burning constricted mess that reaches around into my ribs, my entire upper trunk is a wasted useless thing I feel like I have to drag around. If it wasn't for the prednisone goodness knows I wouldn't be walking and then what? I'd be suicidal.

I'm also a drinker, blame genetics or whichever you choose but four out of seven days a week I unwind usually with a twelve pack to myself. Is this any healthier? lmao hell no and I realize my kidneys or my liver is probably seriously suffering but while drinking somehow the muscles n joints relax enough I resemble my old self, I feel more awake than normal, and yea I know it's all an illusion but trust me when I say the illusion is worth one of my kidneys. I'm so sick of having to tell my babies not to hug me to hard. so tired of telling them no mommy can't get down there n play with you. Damn it I'm so dissapointed the humira hasn't worked yet, I'm running out of options, the last humira shot had injection site reaction that still hasn't went away looks like an itchy spot of poison ivy.  I don't like to smoke pot, honestly I'v been an occasional smoker and I don't like the slowed down feeling I get, I don't enjoy the head high cause it's almost like some sort of blanket covers my mind along with my body. Fighting to stand up at the moment.