My worst enemy in having A.S the worst thing that this can and will do to me is to take my ability to walk, "sciatica" or a pinched nerve or whatever you want to call it. Every couple of months it flares it's ugly ass head, sometimes I do nothing over reach into a cabinet to get a cup or a bowl and BAM I'm on the floor. My husband has become accustomed to offering me his hand upon me siting or rising because if I"m able to grit my teeth n drag my offending appendage to a place to sit dow to spend time with him. . . .I can't get back up. For me being laid up on the couch is torture. I have a healthy mind I have the desire to scrub my house, play with my kids things people around me take for granted and it makes me sick sometimes. I see people raising their children to be independent at the age of eight or nine because they just want them to go away, I don't want to be that kind of mother, I'm an in your face do the right thing because I'm watching you kind of mom. I want my kids to know I'm there if they need me, even if they don't need me lol my daughter is gonna hate this in few years.
Any way the point of this rant is the muscle is tightening upon me rotating my hip and my hip is giving me what I like to call a fair "warning" it hurts when I walk every time I put my right leg down it's hurting enough for me to limp but not enough to totally make me lay down. It is telling me I have inflammation in there and telling me that it is thinking about making me a cripple for a couple weeks. I always get a little sick to my stomach when it does this, little hard to just wait and see if it is going to take my ability to walk. I pop OTC NSAIDS like crazy the mantra please please please in my head, who am I begging I'm not quite sure but surely someone has to be listening. I feel the lowest when I can move, when the pain of just standing on my legs can make me scream out loud in total agony regardless of who is around. I feel completely useless, pathetic, a waste of space.
So I"m off to family dollar this morning it's right across the road I have to refill my prednisone I have a pill n a half I"m about to take. Bottle of generic aleve and bottle of generic ibuprofen, most times this works. Sometimes it just "slips" anyways. This kind of pain is probably the most excruciating, the burning aching constant never go away u broke your ribs feelings is minor in comparison, this feels with every step like some invisible entity is inside n tearing the very things that hold your leg to your body apart, with every step clawing n riping and if any one could see inside me I"d be bleeding out and dying it hurts that bad.
I've had sciatica since I was in high school, I remember dropping to the floor in agony at like maybe thirteen. It was chalked up to "growing pains" I can tell you right now either of my children experience pain where they cannot move and a doctor says growing pains I"m likely to punch him, I can guarantee we are not leaving the hospital with that diagnosis you either help my baby or I'll sit in the waiting room screaming you got bed bugs. I genuinely cannot remember how many times I've been to the E.R. due to this horrid hip pain. Eighteen, nineteen, couple times a year with my husband being in the military they would x-ray me and here is the thing I may be laying there bawling and screaming in pain but if the x-ray doesn't show anything I'm faking it. Inflammation cannot be seen on an x-ray and if the technician doesn't know to be looking for it he can't even recognize that the inflammation is pushing my hip joints out of socket and pinching nerves etc. years and years of this me begging for help doctor's viewing x-rays and chalking me up to a junkie.Depending on the severity of the inflammation I can usually clear it to the point of walking in about a week. Stomach is screwed up for goodness knows how long cause NSAID's eat the lining of your stomach. At least I can walk, need a few good thoughts my way today, usual crap in my back and in my ribs, the leg is scaring the crap outta me. Hard to Stand Tall when I have no choice but to lay down.
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