feeling pretty good this morning, went to bed at roughly one a.m. and woke up a cple times to readjust back on top of my stack of pillows, and woke up at nine thirty. Only feels like a slight sprain in my ribs, and my neck, and my right shoulder. The shoulder is new, I'v ben feeling the pressure building under it for a cpl days now and my range of movement in it is definatly shrinking. I ran out of the sulfasazene about a week ago and didn't bother to refill it. Totally my choice as I'm on vacation and I have enbrel awaiting me at my home, when i first started taking the sulfazene I could tell a diferance but havent felt any sort of differance in months and it costs thirty dollers to refill, felt like it was eating through my stomach any ways. yesterday i went and got OTC naproxen and stomach pills and preceeded to take six of them throughout the course of the day. I can fel the range of movement is improved already.
I self treated for years without even realizing what i was doing, when I met my husband i was sixteen and already on a daily dose of more aleve gerneric naproxen or ibuprofen than i could count and funny enough it worked as a birth control that I didnt even know about until this past year.Every time i went to a doctor's apt. i told them of my daily ingestion of about 800 mg aleve and 800 mgs of ibuprofen and not once did they say anything not even when i began seing a fertility specialist and considering invitro. He was in the navy and IVF would have cost me five thousand out of pocket. We were discussing it and then moved to a different station and sadly I just began to believe i was infertile.
Looking back now I think it was probably a good thing we were both young and stupid but still I suffered a great deal of depresion from this. I think I'm the burnout on docters I spend hours on the computer trying to find differant ideas or diest or weird supplements that may help without having to go to a docter. my medical record is literally so big it is in about three differant folders and probably about 20 to 30 differant doctors and or specialists telling me they just didnt know or that there wasn't any proof of damage bla bla bla. I have no trust in doctors they have no idea what they r doing, and once i walk out of their waiting room they dont have another thought about me so if I'm going to beat this or at least find some semblence of life with it, I need to arm myself with knowledge.
Two days on the naproxen and I'm feeling better waaay better than with the sulfazene, noticeable improvement in movement as im siting stil i only attempt to re shift about every five to ten instead of every two that I was yesterday. . . . . . my shoulder feels almost like i spent the entire day yesterday throwing a softball as hard as i could. . . .starting to worry me a little curious if the damage is going to be important in the amount of time it wil take me to get to my docter.
I'v been visiting with my family for about a month now and my quality of life has tripled, I'm pretty sure it has to do with the expansive support system i have here. I have been able to get closer to my little sister, I have found an amazing friend and confidant in her wife, I'm pouring my guts out more now and attempting to re place trust. . . .I'v been emotionally shut-off for so long it is a journey. . . .This disease has made me bottle into myself more than I can express my own opinion of myself was so low I felt that my family deserved more than me and now I'm back I got this even if enbrel doesnt work I'm an amazing fricking person. This pain is only a tiny fraction of who I am and what I'm capable of. my heart is filled with joy and hope and happiness.
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