Okay so I spent the first week knowing I'm pregnant telling everyone that we weren't planning for it and that it's a surprise and I don't know if I'm happy about it yet. Hello I've always wanted a large family I have struggled with infertility the entire time I've been married I adopted my beautiful little girl and through her was blessed with my son. I truly believe I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with my son if I hadn't had my daughter, something about being around her stirred up my hormones and I truly believe she is the reason she has a brother. . . .will she be happy to learn of this in the future? that still remains to be seen as they r beginning to fight like cats n dogs, it's exhausting.
Yes, I want this baby freakishly want to hold and smell and snuggle another little creation of me and my husband, I'm terrified to voice it. Scared to begin to dream of the little one actually making it. If I lose it I need to be prepared emotionally. Already I'm putting my hand over my stomach and smiling so I know I'm in danger already, I can't help it I want this little one so badly. I have to believe everything will work out. I'm not religious and neither is my husband funny enough we have never argued over this fact it just is, the older my kids get the more I wonder about how to introduce them into religion as I intend to allow them to choose. Not being religious it still makes me feel beter to put fourth fervent wishes of my baby making it through gestation.
Jake has cautiously told me he is excited but now really worried about my health, not that I can blame him he is the one that has to carry me when I can no longer walk due to a pinched nerve. He is the one who gets to sit helplessly while I scream in pain. It eats him alive that he can't take this disease from me. He watches me for signs of limping signs of getting tired when we are shopping, when he is around I can't over do it cause he wont let me.
I'm cramping I keep telling myself its my uterus stretching but that doesn't stop me from looking at the toilet paper when I potty. For the curious few out there who do read my blog, yes I intend to take my pills throughout my pregnancy one I can already tell my anxiety level will benefit greatly two I think it had a lot to do with me getting pregnant in the first place we haven't used protection since my miscarriage last year and three I would be recommended to take steroids throughout it if I was still seeing a doctor. I have to keep the inflammation down. . . .. I'm convinced me pinching my sciatic nerve last year is what led to the miscarriage I am terrified of pinching it cause as sure as I'm sitting here pinching it would mean the end for my little one I just know it.
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