thank goodness for my coffee it's about all I can attribute to my annoyingly good mood this morning, the whole wake up every hr n pee which I still did last night and my ribs hurt today, not tremendously but enough I'm aware of them with every breath I take. I seem to be on a positive movement this morning as I fill random people's inbox's with positive have a good day etc. I sometimes read back over my blog and think good god I bitch alot! good thing it's my own personal blog and funny enough this is the only place I openly talk about my pain levels and what I actually feel. People ask me how I'm feeling and the automatic reply is always oh I'm good usual pain nothing new, fact is this disease sucks ass and if I brought the actual pain into focus instead of pushing it away which is an odd talent to learn I guess cause my husband's knee swells with the weather and I'm confused as to how it can possibly hurt that much. Normal people don't learn this technique of a higher awareness I guess you would call it, but then to not have to I wonder if i would be a genius? :) yes I think that's how I'm choosing to look at it, I'm stuck with this disease because the world couldn't otherwise handle my massive brain :)
I saw a video of a man who under went massive spinal surgery to correct the horrendous stoop this disease can cause and it gave me a slight amount of hope except I'm allergic to most metals n they used actual screws and steel rods in the mans back. . . . ummm owie but def worth it if quality of life improves, how can you ask would I have myself filleted like a fish and turned into the bride of Frankenstein? All in the hopes of one day being able to sleep in a normal eight hours and stretch . . . If I was to attempt to stretch first thing in the morning I'd scream and wake up the whole house.
Today is gonna be a good day :) Tylenol down on my first cup of coffee got one kid off to school and you can walk through my house without killing yourself mostly. . . (avoid my kids rooms) And I am loved, m husband accepts me for who I am and sometimes is tormented right along with me because he cannot help, my children tell me daily I'm the best mommy ever, I have a wonderful sister-in-law who listens when I have bad days and doesn't judge me even when I'm baldly honest. I know there will never be anything that anyone else can ever do to make my life easier or less painful but it's nice to know when I can't pretend that I'm fine that someone will listen when I break. I have a lot of other wonderful people in my life but I don't let to many people see inside the pain . . . I don't like to admit to it or talk about it, those two r the ones who get to see inside my bubble and I'm not entirely sure they even wanna be there sometimes it's an awfully dark place.
Have an amazing day fellow A.S.'er's I am sending positive vibes and happy thoughts
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