ob apt mixed feelings about it

I had a good apt baby's heart rate slowed like it was supposed to and he explained the blood panel of tests he was wanting to run (don't ask it's scary stuff). still he didn't make me feel judged he was patient and kind and answered all of my questions. Upon check out however. . . . .I overheard a receptionist talking to my ob doctor my doctor says well she was on steroids and a whole bunch of other medicines that she took herself off of. and then the receptionist says in a condemning voice "oh is that why she smokes marijuana?" I bawled all the way out to the car, I feel like these type of people think I'm deliberately harming my unborn baby and that the "legal" way is so much better. I wish I could print off all of the side effects of the massive list of some thirty medications I was on before I took myself off. I was told to be on low dose prednisone to maintain flare ups at the very least. side effects for the baby could included :cardiovascular, oral clefts, spina bifida, polydactylies, limb reduction defects/syndactylies, hypospadias. on the other hand marijuana : some studies show low birth weight and even that is controversial.

I have the urge to print off the facts and distribute it to every single person who sneers their nose at me when they learn I make my own weed pills, I manage a crippling disease by ingesting POT. and yes I am pregnant 16 weeks to be exact and I don't worry about the pills affecting my baby I worry about the inflammation attacking and not being able to stand the pain and the stress of that hurting my baby. I intend to stop as soon as the survival rate of my baby is high so that I wont have to worry about s/he being tested positive for it and the hospital calling 241-kids on me. When I stop . . . .I am barely going to be able to move walking will be total torture and suicidal isn't the word for how awful it makes me feel. My two already born children are going to suffer and there is literally nothing I can do about it. I am going to pack their cabinet with easily reached food and snacks. . . . .oh I'm not looking forward to it, I'd rather have my leg broken that's easier to manage than this. Screw all you judgmental a holes I am doing whats best for me and my baby.I'm not doing this to get "stoned" hell I take my pills before bed I don't even feel them working the only way I know they are working is because I'm still walking. I literally cannot  walk without being on steroids or these pills and it only takes about three days for the inflammation to be at full force.