Pregnancy is turning out to kind of make me a mental case. . . .one day I'm puking so much it hurts and the next I'm waking up at three A.M. feeling like I'm going to die of starvation soon. On the one hand it makes me feel safe because I know this little peanut is settled nicely enough in there to make me miserable and that all points to healthy development for him/her :). My disease is well. . . .. my disease, the burn n aching is pretty much a constant right now and the hunched forward position I keep catching myself sitting in has to be due to inflammation that is probably out of control right now. I quit the smoking my meds I simply don't like to feel stoned. My pills only stay down half the time so I'm almost back at square one. The nerve pinched in my neck makes my right shoulder almost useless I'm always aware of how much I'm using it which is extremely annoying. I used to be the woman who would get pissed and do it herself no matter how heavy or awkward an object or task was I'd grit my teeth sweat like a pig and muscle my way through it. . . . . .. Sometimes I really miss that woman.now I mostly focus on being a positive force of nature. I feel that my body may be weak but my attitude and actions can be sweet and direct, nurturing, giving, and loving. I'll admit some days I'm simply in to much pain to accomplish the Mary Poppins routine but those days I usually hide so my nasty attitude doesn't affect the ones I love.
I'm on the verge of asking for some kind of nerve pill as the itching from what I've read is from nerve damage and I simply cannot express how much it itches I literally want to peel the skin from my body. I woke up at three am last night and proceeded to dig at both of my arms until they bled. I smacked my right arm over n over to no avail and finally rubbed it down with ice until both shoulders were on the verge of frostbite. . . . .I seriously hope that its just some sort of side effect of pregnancy and not gonna stick around forever . . . . I'm not sure it wont drive me totally batty. . . . . .As to my audience :) my numbers on my page views keep clicking up so I know someone out there is reading them I hope that someone is getting a benefit from my limited knowledge of Medical MJ. It was on the docket today to be legalized for small amounts of recreational use :) oh if only medical science was actually allowed to study and produce the amazing medicine that is found in this magnificent plant that is totally natural. . . .I simply cannot wait for the day that I can go to Walmart and pick up the miracle cure for my disease that I know is found in this plant simply from my own usage I know the right dosage gives me back my life. . . and for a scientist to be able to find the magic dosage without the stoned effect oh I'd be in heaven. . . .till then I'm an ASS and a pothead :)
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