out of guilt I stop and the pain is to to much

At my o.b. apt. the doctor again informed me that I was risking my baby to continue to use marijuana. . .so I stopped it's been about two weeks and last night was my breaking point. I will lose my baby if I don't have something to stop the mind exploding pain from my disease. I was up almost all night back, hips, and ribcage in a constant squeezing breathe taking pain. I ended up on the floor desperately quietly sobbing into my pillow so not to wake my husband. I didn't want him to see me like that what good would it do if he had tried to touch me I would have screamed and woken up the kids. Point blank I have an incurable disease that literally cripples my body and my mind and this woman has no idea what she is dealing with. I am faced with the choice of pain pills and dangerous experimental drugs to try n keep the pain and inflammation at bay or a natural plant that carries the risk of low birth weight???????? How in the world can she make me feel guilty for doing something like this? when my only other option is strong opiates? maybe she should have done her research before telling me over n over I was harming my baby. I can tell you right now this pain and inflammation is harming my baby a lot more than me taking weed.

She quoted me a study that supposedly dropped your I.Q eight points. I looked up the study she was blindly quoting it stated that teenagers over the course of twenty years appeared to have dropped eight I.Q. points again let me state that it was over the course of TWENTY years and there is plenty of inconclusive studies that say that your I.Q. is at risk for slowly dropping over the course of time anyways. So let me get this straight. . .  .I can read and understand medical testing on marijuana better than my doctor or maybe she genuinely does not grasp what she is dealing with when treating me?

I feel utterly awful I can barely move today and have been sitting on my heating pad since i got up. My house is really gross but no way I'm going to loosen up enough to do anything about it today. My only goal for today is to make my pills so that tomorrow I can have some relief. I'm scared the pain of last night may have hurt my little one. . . . I wish I was far enough along that I could judge by the movements how he/she was doing.