still puking but holding weight

I am still not a hundred percent but I'm doing better slowly I am keeping almost all my food down and seem to throw up only a sludge and then lots of stomach acid, I go back to the ob next week so it is definitely something I am going to bring up. I have developed a maddening itch on both of my shoulders that is literally waking me up at night to scratch it I wanna chew straight through my own arms. I fight to finally get some rest and the I have to wake up to itch!? rly? I could seriously cry some days.

I had a great weekend we went to the mall kids got to ride a choo choo train around for ten minutes they loved it, I was pooped after walking a very short distance and I'm very sad to report that the smoking my meds is not working near as well as the edibles I am going to make some tomorrow in the hopes I get the potency right and can relieve the ever present burning sensation again. . . . . it isn't quite so strong I cannot ignore it yet but it is starting to prevent me from doing stuff again and I rly am getting irritated. Especially when I have just found a reprieve after four years of constant debilitating pain, to be losing that feeling is almost got me panicking and I've already played it out in my head where I ask the ob for safe pain meds. . . . . . . .I must stay strong and natural I've allowed the doctor's to poison me long enough I can and will do this without risking my life, liver, kidneys, etc.

My husband is still very supportive of me as he says the difference in my mood and well being is still way worth the social stigma of being a pot head. . . . god I love that man. he walked up behind me last night and put his arms around me and our baby and just told me he loved me and kissed the nape of my neck. . . . . . . .after all these years he still can take my breath away. I'm happy . . . .happier than I've been in a long time, there is no longer any negativity in my life and while it brings me some regret that I've lost a friend of ten years it also brings a great deal of relief. It is really sad when you realize that people aren't who you have made the into in your head. what's even sadder is that I believed it for so long. . . . . talk is so cheap, you can sit and say all the good things you want to but when push comes to shove if you just watch someone in their misery without making an effort to assist them then your a phony, your fake as hell and please no longer darken my doorstep.