15 pounds down . . . .thought being pregnant you gained weight?

I'm so utterly sick I have barely been able to keep up with my housework between the puking and trying to take a nap which I rarely manage to do between my kiddie's being sick and cleaning. I am totally and completely exhausted. I cannot keep my pills down so the pain in my hip is creeping back in and it is barely cutting through the fog of utter crappiness I feel. I have resorted to smoking my meds for the time being until I manage to get the puking under control. My husband doesn't like it when I smoke I think he feels it makes me look like a typical loser pregnant and smoking weed. I reach my seventh week mark tomorrow and kinda feel like someone should throw me a party, this is hard on my poor body all I wanna do is lay down even when I just wake up I wanna stay in bed and just keep saying over and over again it will totally be worth it in the end. I started my pregnancy at 195 and am now down to 180 obviously not scary news to someone not pregnant but my ob is threatening hospitalization. I still live so far away from everyone I have no idea what I would do if that happened. I have no one to watch my kids I've never felt as desperate to get back home as I do right now I need help and there is no help to be had. . . . . . .

I'm seriously negative right now and that's not me either I hate being negative but I just kinda feel a little helpless in my current sitch. I want my baby but my baby is making me so sick I can't take care of my other two babies. It's enough to depress the crap outta me I wish I had even one awesome friend here who would come in and watch my kids once a week and clean my house and cook my hubby dinner so I could just rest. The only time I feel half human is when I smoked a bowl, of course this isn't what you would want a normal preggo lady to say but then again I'm not normal and people can judge me all they want I no longer give a poo, but before you judge make sure you understand my disease and the choices I'm faced with. I still feel as though it is the best thing I could do for my own body and honestly my baby if I wasn't doing it I'm quite sure I would have pinched a nerve by now and my body cannot handle that kind of pain it literally makes me crazy let alone a little baby managing under that kind of stress. blah can someone else take the wheel of my life right now and wake me up when the baby gets here?