you know the funny thing is that I really was fine with two I was finally at peace with it after the heartache of losing my little one last year. I had the pro's lined up in my head my kids would never have to share a room with a sibling, I was done with diapers and the crying and screaming without me understanding what the hell was wrong. I could set something on the floor and not worry about the kids getting into it. I had convinced myself two was plenty and enough. Funny thing is that we didn't use any form of birth control to follow through with this decision. We have been together for 12 years though and I have been pregnant three times before two miscarriages (2003, and 2011) and one live birth (my son) we didn't think we had to worry about it.
I think I'm scared about how my life is going to change I'm very aware of my limitations with the two we have I cannot wrestle I cannot run, I can't even give rough hugs without it hurting myself, I can definitely tell an improvement in my movements and the stiffness and I am capable of so much more than what I was a few months ago. I have a lot of hope that at some point I'll reach a stage where there is no evidence of this disease that through my supplements of ginger and turmeric (which I cannot take while pregnant due to uterus stimulation) and whatever else I find that is anti inflammatory.
I'm scared of having a flare following the birth, the last time with bub was so painful it is burned in my memories, I couldn't even pick him up when I first would wake up I would literally cry out loud till my grandpa heard me from down the hall and came and got him for me it was seriously the worst time and the worst pain I have had dealing with this disease. I have no one I can ask for that kind of help from here. I wanna move home before the baby comes. I miss my family oh so much. the longer it is staying in there the more I am getting worried about the future, anxiety is awful.
No comments:
Post a Comment