RAAAAWWWRRR

I sort of had an emotional break down in the bathtub with my husband last night, I couldn't sleep for some reason. . . .being pregnant has turned me into an insomniac half the time. I wailed to the top of my lungs I don't want to be like this any more, that I'm so sickly jealous of the 50+ yr old people I see jogging that I wanna hit them with my car. I have for the most part accepted this is me, accepted I will always need some sort of pill to help me cope and not be suicidal with the amount of pain I live with every second of my life but just sometimes it sneaks up on me at how unfair this is how much it has already taken from me and I still mourn the person I could be but will never have the chance to be. I bawled and screamed for prolly twenty mins. He patiently listened and looked tortured that he could say nothing that would make me feel better.

Today I'm irritated with people who blindly follow what the masses say is true, ashamed to say I used to be one of them would sneer at anyone I saw smoking while pregnant. . . they did a study smoking actually helps my disease the biggest reason I quit is due to the fact of my ribcage is already affected and I feel as though I cannot breathe A LOT. I get mad quickly when someone pops off about weed simply because I've actually done my own thinking and my own research, they only publish the small inconsistent studies that say marijuana is bad they keep the control number small and like to insert people who are already sick in some way and then blame it on the weed. ignorance appears to be contagious, when will people start thinking for themselves? start asking for proof if it was a bill of some sort people would instantly say show me where i accrued those charges, medically however blind sheep . . . . .common sense flies out the window and mass hysteria follows. . . . . . . on a side note Chinese food made me very ill today