in fact had an allergic reaction to it that made me second guess even trying another biologic, the fear of having something happen to me while I"m alone with my children is to high of a risk for me to continue to take it. I'm used to hurting at this point it is my life, it is who I am. Those that love and truly love me when I have my bad dasy will love me any ways and forgive my anger. I'v decided the nurse practioner that I'm required to see four times in between seeing the doctor is an idiot. She had the wrong x-rays up, told me that I didnt have ankylosing that it is undifferientiated sponyloartropathy, I responded the damage was signifigant enough that I didnt need and mri that the doctor said I was a classic case, she pulls up the one of my hips with proof of sacroilitis and says sorry. Mind you I'm in her office because enbrel caused vomiting couldnt keep down water, it isn't the magic drug I was praying for it to be, was causing my heart to speed up so much I couldn't exert myself at all id throw up. So when she states this my jaw kinda hung open n I felt so much anger at this litle woman in my mind she was trying to tell me she didnt believe me that I was making it up, I heard so many other doctors in my head all saying the same things over n over" the tests were all normal" F_______ Youuuuuu!!!! but what choice do I have the doctor himself is hard to get into and the only one in the area so I gotta put up with the moronic woman to get tot he gold at the end of the rainbow.
I tried to ask her what my options were like she put me on humira and I start that next week, but if I fail this one if I have a bad reaction to this one I'm done with the biologics until A. I have a live in nanny or something, B. I am where I can call someone and they can be at my house in no time.I tried to ask what is next and she cuts me off and tells me that "we aren't to that point yet don't even go there in your mind" ummmm I'm not allowed to know what comes next? I felt dismissed and treated like an idiotic child was not a good apt.
I went to my general practitioner the next day and kind of fell apart on the poor man, my blood pressure has been up the past three doctors apts, I told him I felt like they were shooting guns in the dark and didnt know how to fix this, I bawled while telling him I wake up feeling like someone took a sledgehammer to my body while sleeping, and that I was losing hope I put to much on the enbrel was hoping for it to be magical for me and it wasn't and I didn't know what to do. The stiffness is spreading into my neck, in the past two months I have had chostochondritis, that literally put the fear of god into me I thought I was having a heartattack with my poor children just watching, my right shoulder has lost it's movements I'd say its been reduced to about half, I failed enbrel. I'm now on an anti deppresant, blood pressure pills, pain pills, muscle relaxor, vitamins out my wazoo, prednisone which I need to get off of asap but it is the only thing keeping me walking the sacroilitis gets so bad I literally am bed riden which makes my ribs hurt even worse, no movement at all makes it hurt too. Trying to educate myself on this is almost impossible not to mention depressing so for now I'm just gonna plod along taking more and more drugs. only thing he said about the blood pressure is that it's not cholesterol related that changing my diet wouldn't change anything, I'm not sure if it is disease related or sideeffects from everything else but funny enough I do feel better, tired but better.
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